"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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