They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
