We got so high we made milksteak
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
