I looked at my own cervix.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just high enough for therapy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
