Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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