bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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