census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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