that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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