just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
