it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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