he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
