I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
