I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
