it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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