3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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