wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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