You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
