If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
