turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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