Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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