I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize