a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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