I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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