what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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