go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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