You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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