i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
