Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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