Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
