I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize