pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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