I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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