The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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