I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
