I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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