The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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