Small penises have feelings too.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
why is half of my head shaved?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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