It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
