Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
