Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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