Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
