I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
