guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
