Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need moral support for this bender
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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