hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
