I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Panties = found
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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