I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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