i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
