you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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