things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So many bounce houses so little time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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