respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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