i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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