Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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