he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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