so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
