i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
