im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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