I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
