I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
