and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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