She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just had sex bonerless
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
