You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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