There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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