Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
