I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
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This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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