he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
