My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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